Friday Funnies

VALENTINE DAY CARD YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET

“You’re perfect in every way, just not for me.”

“I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you’re not.”

“I’m looking for a long-term relationship and I just can’t pursue that with you.” 

“Our relationship is like a fat guy, What? It’s not working out.” 

“It’s not you, it’s me. I just need to stop dating losers”

 

TWINS JOIN AIR FORCE

A General of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting class walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, “Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?” The young man looks at him and says, “I’m a pilot!” The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, “Sign him today, do all the paper work get on with it” The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, “What skills to you bring to the Air Force?” The young man says, “I chop wood!” “Son,” the general replies, “we don’t need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?” “I chop wood!” “Young man,” huffs the general, “you are not listening to me, we don’t need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!” “Well,” the young man says, “you hired my brother!” “Of course we did,” says the general, “he’s a pilot!” The young man rolls his eyes and says, “Sir, I have to chop it before he can pile it!”

 

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