Friday Funnies

CHURCH MEMBERSHIP

A small town had three churches — and all three were virtually overrun with pesky squirrels.

The first church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that God must have wanted the squirrels there, and the church shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

The second church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creations, so they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

The third church came up with the best and most effective solution: they baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

WRONG ANSWER

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

“You know, love” she says, “I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my chest sags to my waist, my rear is hanging out a mile. I’ve got fat legs and my arms are all flabby.”

She turns to her husband and says, “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.”

He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice, “Well…there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight.”  

KID’S LOGIC

A nursery school teacher was delivering a minivan full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.

“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.

“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”

A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”

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