Friday Funnies

MISS UP

A business was opening in a new location and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion.

They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card. It said, “Rest in Peace.

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was,
the florist said, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location.'”

NEW CAR

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 2009.” “You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly. “No,” said the husband, “a 2009 Cadillac.”

SAY WHAT?

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said “Why did you put up such a fight?” To which the man promptly replied “I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!”

HIGH COST

One day a lady took her pot belly pig to the veterinarian. The doctor looked at the pig and shook his head. “I’m sorry your pig is dead” said the doctor. “How could you be so sure” the lady said.

So the man left the room and come back with a Labrador Retriever. It stood up on its hind legs and sniffed the pig and shook its head. The doctor left the room again and come back with a cat. The cat also sniffed the pig and shook its head. The doctor said that the pig was 100% dead.

With the lady still in shock, the doctor handed the bill to the lady. “$200, why $200?”.

The doctor replied “If you had’ve believed me first it would of been $60”.

“But why still, why so much?” the lady insists. To which the doctor says “Because you insisted on had a lab report and a cat scan!” 

FAKE NEWS

When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and saved the boy.

A local journalist saw this happen, congratulated the man and told him he wanted to write a story called, “Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal.”

The hero told the journalist that he wasn’t from that town. “Well, then,” the journalist said, “the story will be called, ‘Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog’.”

“Actually,” the man said, “I’m from Connecticut.”

“In that case,” the journalist said in a huff, “the story will be called, ‘Yankee Attacks Family Pet’. 

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