Friday Funnies

AFTER VALENTINE GIFT

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine’s Day.  ‘Yes,’ came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, ‘I’ve bought her a belt and a bag.’  ‘That was very kind of you,’ Jim added, ‘I hope she appreciated the thought.’  Tony smiled as he replied, ‘So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.’

ONE AND ONLY

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, at a very smart jeweler’s shop in Hatton Garden, London.  The jeweler inquired, ‘Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?’  Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, ‘No, instead engrave “To my one and only love”.’
The jeweler smiled and said, ‘Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.’   Roger replied with a glint in his eye, ‘Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.’

JUST BUSINESS

Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine’s day, he couldn’t help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.  Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes.

By now Mike’s curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards.  The man replied, “I’m sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”

“But why?” asked Mike.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replied.

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