Friday Funnies

Texas Hospitality

I once heard about a wealthy Texan who had an impressive ranch in Texas. On his ranch, he had a HUGE floodlit swimming pool and in this swimming pool he kept a SHARK. The rich Texan loved to throw lavish dinner parties and would invite his guests up around the pool afterwards. Then he would say to them, “If any of you will swim a length of this pool then I will give you one of three things: $10 million, or half of my estate, or the hand of my daughter in marriage.”

He always said before he finished, “but I must warn you before you do so, there is a shark in the pool.”

Well one evening as he was saying this, there was a splash, and a man, very nicely dressed, swam the entire length of the pool chased by the shark.  He got out of the pool just in time as the shark thudded into the wall.

The Texan said, “Congratulations! You are the first person who has ever done that!!Now what would you like? Would you like $10 million?”

The man gasped, “No thank you.”

He said, “Would you like half of my estate?”

The man said, “No thank you.”

He said, “Ahh, you want the hand of my daughter in marriage?”

The exasperated man said, “No thank you!”

So the Texan said to him, “Well what do you want?”

He said, “I want the name of the man who pushed me in.”


Her Mother’s Prayer

My wife invited some people to dinner.

At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”

“I wouldn’t know what to say, ” she replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say,” my wife said.

Our daughter bowed her head and said: “Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”