Friday Funnies

Missing You

Dearest Lauren,

I’m so sorry for the things I said.  I’ve been unable to sleep since I broke off our relationship last month. I think about you day and night. Your absence is breaking my heart and recently I’ve begun to realize that nobody can take your place. Sweetheart, I miss you so much. Please call me.

All my love,

Robert

P.S. Congratulations on winning last week’s Powerball Lottery.

Tainted Money

Timmy didn’t want to put his money in the offering plate Sunday morning, so his mother decided to use some hurried creative reasoning with him.

“You don’t want that money, honey,” she whispered in his ear. “Quick! Drop it in the plate. It’s tainted!”

Horrified, the little boy obeyed.

After a few seconds he whispered, “But, mommy, why was the money tainted? Was it dirty?

“Oh, no dear,” she replied. “It’s not really dirty. It just ‘taint yours, and it ‘taint mine,” she replied. “It’s God’s.”

Warnings

A state trooper stopped a Congressman for going 15 miles over the speed limit.

After he handed him a ticket, the Congressman asked, “Don’t you give out warnings?”

“Yes, sir,” he replied. “They’re all up and down the road. They say, ‘Speed Limit 65.'”