Friday Funnies

HELPING HAND

As I pulled into the gas station, I noticed a woman trying to push her car toward the pump.    Having always considered myself a Good Samaritan, I parked and joined her in pushing her car.     “What are you doing?” she asked.     “I’m giving you a hand,” I said. “What are you doing?”   “I’m stretching before my run.”

NEW JOB?

The interviewer greets the next applicant for the job of night watchman.   His first question is: “What are your qualifications for the job of night watchman?”      The applicant replies, “The slightest noise wakes me up.”

PERSONAL GOALS

My goal for 2020 is to accomplish the goals I set in 2019,
which I should have done in 2018,
because I promised to do them  in 2017
and planned to do them in 2016.