Friday Funnies

Funny Lawn Mower Jokes
A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They are difficult to get started, and then they don’t work half the time.
There’s one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbour’s. Clyde Moore
Will – Why do you water your lawn with whisky?
Guy – So that it comes up half-cut.
My neighbour Bill asked if he could use my lawnmower. I told him of course he could, so long as he didn’t take it out of my garden.
What do you call someone who used to like tractors?
An extractor fan.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.

Blodwen’s Lawn Mower
Mrs Blodwen Roberts was looking out of her front window one Sunday when she saw her neighbour coming up the drive dressed in his gardening clothes.

‘He must be coming to borrow our lawn-mower,’ Blodwen remarked to Mr Roberts indignantly, ‘And on Sunday too. The very idea. Shameful. I won’t let him have it. I’ll tell him we haven’t got one.’

Rich Diet?
One afternoon a rich man was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, ‘Why are you eating grass?’
‘We don’t have any money for food,’ the poor man replied. ‘We have to eat grass.’

‘Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,’ the rich man said.
‘But, sir, I have a wife and two children.’Bring them along,’ the rich man replied. Turning to the other poor man he announced, ‘You come with us, also.’
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, ‘But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me.’
‘Bring them all, as well,’ the rich fellow answered.
They all climb in the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the rich gent and said, ‘Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.’

The rich man replied, ‘Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.’