Friday Funnies

Scared Uber Driver

The passenger tapped the Uber driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped inches from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the car, then the driver said, “Look mister, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”

The passenger apologized and said he didn’t realize that a little tap could scare him so much.

The driver replied, “You’re right. I’m sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a Uber driver. I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 15 years.”

Revenge

I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn, because I was taking too long to place my order….“Take the high road,” I thought to myself.  So when I got to the first window,  I paid for her order along with my own!!

The cashier must have told her what I’d done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed “Thank you”, obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with a kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food, too. Now she has to go back to the end of the line and start all over.

Don’t honk your horn at old people—They will get revenge.

Some Random Thoughts

Sometimes I wonder if all this is happening because I didn’t forward that email to 25 people.

I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing

“It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”—Ronald Reagan

Not even the perpetually hungry live by bread alone.

“A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.”—Douglas Pagels