Friday Funnies

A family of hillbillys were staying in a high-rise hotel for the first time. There was a big brass elevator right off of the lobby. The mother and daughter stared at it in amazement, wondering what it was. After staring at it in awe for a few minutes the girl looked up at her mom, “Ma, what do you reckon that there thing is?” she asked.”I don’t rightly know, girl,” the mother replied.

Just then an old, frumpy man in a robe with messy hair walks up, steps in the elevator and the doors shut behind him. After a few seconds the doors opened again and a handsome, muscular young man in tight work-out clothes walks out.

The mother leans over to her daughter and says, “Girl, go and get your Pa!”

* * *

A lady lost her purse while shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. She looked in the purse and discovered that something was different. “That’s odd,” she commented. When I lost my bag there was a $100 bill in it. Now there are 100 $1 bills.”

The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, ma’am. The last time I found a lady’s purse she didn’t have any change for a reward.”

* * *

A lady had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch. When the state trooper arrived he was astonished that she had survived.

“My goodness!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you okay, ma’am?”

“Why, yes, officer, I’m just fine.”

“Well, how in the world did this happen?”, he asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

“Officer, it was the strangest thing! I was driving along this road when I started to doze off. When I woke up this tree from out of nowhere pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was….”

“Uh, ma’am,” the officer said, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth on your rear view mirror.”