Friday Funnies

NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE

I had a near-death experience that has changed me forever. I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bucking out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off.

Just when things could not possibly have gotten worse, my foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head-first to the ground. My head bounced along the ground as the horse did not stop or even slow down. I was about to give up hope, and I started losing consciousness.

Fortunately, someone saw what was happening, and they got the manager of the Wal-Mart, who unplugged the thing!

OOPS WE DIDN’T COORDINATE A preacher was winding up his temperance sermon with great fervor:

“If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”

And the congregation cried, “Amen!”

“And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it in the river.”

And the congregation cried, “Amen!”

“And if I had all the whiskey and demon rum in the world, I’d take it all and throw it in the river.”

And the congregation cried, “Hallelujah!”

The preacher sat down.

The song leader stood up very tentatively and announced: “For our closing song, let us sing hymn #365, ‘Shall we gather at the river.'”

PARENT/ TEACHER CONFERENCE

Teacher: Well, there is one good thing I can say about your son.

Parent: What is that?

Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn’t be cheating.