Friday Funnies

BIG TROUBLE

Twin seven year old boys were always getting into trouble. Their parents knew if any mischief was reported in town, the twins were probably involved. Their mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. The mother sent one boy in the morning, with the other boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the boy down and asked him sternly, “Do you know where God is, son?” The boy made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?!” Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “WHERE IS GOD?!” The boy screamed, ran directly home and hid in his closet. When his twin brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?” His brother replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time! GOD is missing, and they think WE took him!”

TEST SERMON

A minister wound up the services one morning by saying, “next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark.” On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin, and said, “Now, then, all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please raise your hands.” Nearly every hand in the congregation went up. Then said the preacher, “You are the people I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter of Mark.”

NEW HORSE

A minister went to a blacksmith to buy a horse. The blacksmith said, “I have the perfect horse for a man of god. This horse was raised by a religious family. You can’t say ‘Giddyap’ to make him go. You’ve got to say “Praise the Lord.’ And when you want him to stop, you can’t say ‘Whoa’, you’ve got to say ‘Amen’.” The minister paid for the horse, mounted him and said, “Praise the Lord.” The horse started towards their destination as expected, but after a couple of miles the horse was spooked by a snake and took off at a gallop toward a cliff that bordered a river two-hundred feet below. In a panic, the minister yelled “Whoa!” forgetting the instructions given by the blacksmith. Finally at the last moment he remembered and shouted, “Amen!,” stopping the horse at the edge of the cliff. “Wow, that was close,” the grateful minister said, “Praise the Lord.”