Friday Funnies

In Court

Lawyer: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?

A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.

Lawyer: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

~  ~

Lawyer: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes

Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?

~  ~

Lawyer: Have you lived in this town all your life?

A: Not yet.

Pastor to Farmer: “I missed seeing you at service on Sunday.”

Farmer to Pastor: “Well, I had some hay to put up. I figured it was better to sit in a hay baler thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about hay.”

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A one-dollar bill met a twenty-dollar bill and said, “Hey, where have you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”

The twenty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds on the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?”

The one-dollar bill said, “You know, same old stuff – church, church, church.

A Girl’s Night Out

My parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. 

“Would you like to go out for a walk girl? “ he asked.

Without turning around, my mother quickly replied, “Oh, yes, I’d love to!”

They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn’t until the end of it that Dad confessed. His question had actually been directed to the family dog.