Friday Funnies

FORECAST

Vacationing in south Georgia, I picked up the local paper to check out the forecast. It read: Today: Sunny, 76. Tonight: not so sunny 66.

SUMMER JOB

For her summer job, a teenager arranged interviews at several day-care centers. At one meeting, she sat down on one of the kiddie seats, no simple task for most people. The interview went well, and at the end, the day-care center director asked the standard question, “Can you give me one good reason we should hire you?” “Because I fit in the chairs.” She got the job.

Q: What does a nosey pepper do?  A: Gets jalapeno business!

Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you’ll rise and shine!

Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?” A: “You can’t tuna fish.”

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk. Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!

Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel.

Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together!

Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it!

Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed.

Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.

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