Friday Funnies

The Cup of Tea

Well, One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. 

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. 

Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. 

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of “tea,” which was just water. 

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was “just the cutest thing!” 

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up. 

Then she says, (as only a mother would know . . … ) 

“Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?” 

The Cat at Art Store

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. 

He notices that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. 

The store owner replies, “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale. 

The collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat.” 

And the owner says “Sold.” And he hands over the cat. 

The collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”. 

And the owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold eight cats.” 

A Wife’s Promise

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything. 

And just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife.” 

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him. 

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, and the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said “Wait just a minute!” 

She had a shoe box with her. She came over with the box and placed it in the casket. 

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. 

Her friend said, “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in the casket.” 

She said, “Yes, I promised. I’m a good person. I can’t lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.” 

“You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?” 

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check.”