Friday Funnies

NO COMPROMISE

A New Years reporter asked a Senator asked about his attitude toward whisky.  “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it.   But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public trust to comfort the poor and little crippled children, then I’m for it.   This is my position, and I will not compromise.”

US MAIL 

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother . “Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.
“Only the Ten Commandments,” answered the lady.

ONLY ONE YEAR

A fellow went to the doctor who told him that he had a bad illness and only a year to live. 
So he decided to talk to his pastor. 
After the man explained his situation, he asked his Pastor if there was anything he could do. 
“What you should do is go out and buy a late ’70 or early ’80 model Dodge Pickup,” said the Pastor. 
“Then go get married to the meanest, ugliest woman you can find, and buy yourselves an old house trailer in the panhandle of Oklahoma.” 
The fellow asked, “Will this help me live longer?” 
“No,” said the pastor, “but it will make what time you do have seem like forever.”

THE NEW PASTOR’S TITLE

A local Pastor joined a community Service Club, and the members thought they would have a little fun with him. Under his name badge they printed, “Hog Caller” as his occupation. Everyone made a big fanfare as the badge was presented.

The Pastor responded by saying, ” I usually am called the “Shepherd of the sheep”… but I guess you know your people better than I do.”

Daily

Daily Walking Close To Thee
Julia Bettencour,Creative ladies ministries


“Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits,
even the God of our salvation. Selah.”   Psalm 68:19

It’s the start of a New Year so we all begin thinking towards those resolutions. Actually I am not a big fan of them. I think that we generally don’t follow them anyway. When we really resolve to do something to change our lives, it is usually at a time in our life when we are to the point that we see the need for change. Of course if a resolution works for you, then great!

A resolution usually means that we want to resolve to improve or better ourselves and that’s always good, especially in the spiritual areas of our lives. I’m always for anything to improve our lives and relationships with our Lord. When it boils down to it, bettering ourselves as Christians involves bettering our relationships with God. We have to draw closer to Him before we can improve our Christian lives. Sure we can make a New Year’s resolution to do that but I think just resolving, day by day, gets the job done in a better way.

Do you remember the old hymn? “Just a Closer Walk With Thee.” I can remember that playing off a record when I was little. Okay, some of you don’t know what those are? Round things us ancient people used to play on machines that went round and round called record players. An old form of a cd:) We had a record in our family, I think by Tennessee Ernie Ford with that old song on it and I can remember learning the words when I was quite young.

I am weak but Thou art strong, Jesus keep me from all wrong;
I’ll be satisfied as long, As I walk let me walk close to Thee!
Just a closer walk with Thee, Grant it Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee, Let it be dear Lord, Let it be.

Whenever I think of that song it always turns my thoughts toward David. You all know how I just love Biblical characters as we can learn so much from them and David is among my favorites. There are several passages in Scripture where we can see that David lived the day-by-day way to be closer to God. Yes, he was human and had his faults but he had some good practices in his life.

    1. First of all David prayed daily.Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.” Psalm 55:17
    1. Secondly, David realized the benefit of God’s daily blessings.“Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah.” Psalm 68:19
    1. Thirdly, He praised God daily.“And he shall live, and to him shall be given of the gold of Sheba: prayer also shall be made for him continually; and daily shall he be praised.” Psalm 72:15 The second verse of “Just a Closer Walk” is as follows:Thru this world of toil and snares, If I falter, Lord, who cares?
      Who with me my burden shares? None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee.
      Just a closer walk with Thee, Grant it Jesus is my plea,
      Daily walking close to Thee, Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.
  1. Fourthly, David learned that he needed to rely on God daily.David sure went through some “snares” in his life and he too knew that when all else went out the window the only one left who cared was God.“None but Thee” as in the song.“Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be many that fight against me, O thou most High. What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.” Psalm 56:1-4

    In conclusion, the last verse of the song talks about when this day by day life is over.

    When my feeble life is o’er, Time for me will be no more; Guide me gently, safely o’er, To Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore. Just a closer walk with Thee, Grant it Jesus is my plea, Daily walking close to Thee, Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.


Conclusion:
We’ve all got to live the Christian life just one day at a time. That in turn will cause us to have that improvement in our Christian life that we all so greatly need. Just resolve to live better for God, day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment and that will add up to our best for Him not only for this new year but for our entire lives as well.

So, how close have you walked with the Lord today?

Wade’s Wednesday

Inseparable

by David Jeremiah 

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers,
nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing,
shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
                                                                                           
—Romans 8:38-39

The truth found in these two verses has inspired some of our greatest thinkers and teachers of the Word of God to comment on its meaning.

Francis Schaeffer wrote, “Nothing in all the universe can separate us from God’s love. It isn’t just the things we see, it’s also the things we don’t see. Supernatural forces, demons, all the forces of hell, the entire hierarchy of evil…. And where does that leave us? It leaves us as ‘more than conquerors through him that loved us.’… If we have truly trusted Christ for eternal life, he assures us that we will never perish, and that nothing can ‘pluck us out of his hand.’ Then, as though this were not assurance enough, he says that nothing can pluck us out of God the Father’s hand either.”

Simply stated, we are inseparable from the loving arms of God—nothing can ever break the bond that holds us firmly in His love.

If you have trusted Christ, nothing can separate you from His love, and nothing can separate you from God the Father’s love. 

Max Lucado wrote, “In every great story, love is demonstrated through action. Is there any greater expression of love than the Christmas story? Consider it for a moment. God looked upon us, his children, in desperate need of redemption, and he sent his most precious gift—Jesus, His own son.

No act of treason, no breach of character, no aborted promise, no moral failure could ever separate us from His love. His love knows no limits and no bounds. God loves us. Undyingly! Unapologetically! . . . From his birth in Bethlehem to the cross on Golgotha, Jesus’ love for us is persistent, enduring, and sacrificial.”

Tuesday With Karen

God Already Knows

God already knows what we’ll see in life,
His grace is able to make wrong things right;
We may have trials that leave us perplexed,
God’s wisdom knows just what to do next!

God already knows anything we’ll see,
He knows exactly how to meet our needs;
Even if we’ve fallen into deep despair,
There’s no time at all God isn’t there!

God already knows how to make us strong,
He knows all our frame, guiding us along;
He hears when we cry out to Him in prayer,
Leading us everyday by His Godly care!

God already knows the answer to all things,
His loving grace will cause a heart to sing;

Next time we don’t know which way to go,Cry out to God, for He already knows!

Joy and Perspective

By Ricky Smith

I’m about to open a can of worms in many households! When is it appropriate to decorate your home for Christmas? I know this is often a source of tension and debate. If you ask Hobby Lobby we should begin August 1. If you ask some of my friends, the Christmas tree should stay up all year. My personal preference is that we put decorations up after Thanksgiving. The last Thursday in November deserves its full attention. That being said, I don’t always win that debate in my own home. 

tree decor

Regardless, most of us will display an ornament or decorative item that highlights the word “JOY” over the next few weeks. What does that even mean? We associate the word with Christmas because of the celebrations, cheer, and gifts. But it really started with the angels singing to the shepherds. They sang of “good tiding of great joy.” A King was born. Not any king, but the Messiah had come!

This moment in history was revealed during centuries of silence and darkness. Religion has overruled relationships. Government corruption had led to oppression. People were desperate, yet in that, they were to take hold of joy? Yes!

Today’s thought is not really one of Christmas. It is a matter of joy and perspective. We are challenged in Hebrews 11 to run with endurance and a second wind. We are given ample examples to follow of men and women who now cheer us on. This life can be run with joy because the mission and promise that awaits are real. They now stand in Heaven, cheering us on.

Hebrews 12:1-2 urges us to ultimately consider the example of Jesus. He was able to demonstrate faith with joy even in the most extreme circumstances. He was mocked, ridiculed, flogged, despised, rejected, and killed. He did all of this with eyes on the mission and a willing submission to God’s plan. 

There is so much we can learn as we strive to look to Jesus and live like Jesus. We have to look away from distraction and sin and fixate on Him. This is a daily discipline and pursuit that positions us to take joy in all things!

The real Christmas story

Luke 2:1 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)

To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

15 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

16 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

17 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

18 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

20 And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

Christmas Eve

It was Christmas Eve, as I slept in my bed,
when I heard a great noise, possibly a sled!

I jumped out of bed, to catch Santa in action,
but a bearded man in red was not in the caption.

Instead a man, in shiny white clothes,
he said come nearer, and I’ll share a story of old.

He opened a great book, and started to read
about a little town, and mans new seed;

“Oh little town of Bethlehem, a gift for you I bring
a child shall be born, and praises angels will sing.
For this little child, who in a manger born,
will be the holy Savior, the holy Lord.
He will free all men, from this burden of sin,
and will hold each dear, as children and kin.”

It was then I realized, Christmas was not about toys
It was not about race cars, or fancy alloys.

Christmas is about a greater gift, one that never stops.
Christmas is about God’s love, a gift we cannot top.

Christmas Funnies

Sean: Knock, knock.

Fawn: Who’s there?

Sean: Murray.

Fawn: Murray who?

Sean: Murray Christmas, to all and to all a good night

 

Night time prayer

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

“I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…?I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE… ?I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…”

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.” To which the little brother replied, “No, but Gramma is!”

 

 

I want to see something really cheap

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

“How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.

“That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

“Thats still quite a bit,” Tom groused.

Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

Tom grew agitated, “What I mean,” he said, “is I’d like to see something real cheap.”

So the clerk handed him a mirror.

 

Wade’s Wednesday

Behold the King!

Christmas seems like a personal holiday, doesn’t it? Family gathered around. Rejoicing both in the heart and in the home. What we often forget is that Christmas holds great significance on a much larger scale. The far-reaching ramifications of that glorious event we all celebrate will one day rock the nations of the earth.

The angel said to Mary, “you will name him Jesus. He will be great, and he will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David. He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.” Luke 1:31-33 NRSV

Jesus Christ was born with one goal in mind—that He might die! And His sacrifice changed everything. With it, He redeemed His creation—all of it. He paid the ransom for our souls, reclaimed His marvelous earth, and set in place an unalterable destiny for the nations of the world. He reestablished His authority as judge of all.

At Christmas, we should rejoice not only in the child lying in a manger-bed but also in the King of kings and Lord of lords, the ruler of heaven and earth, for they are one and the same—His name is Jesus!

To leave Christ in the manger is to forget why He came in the first place. The celebration that surrounded His birth was simply a precursor to what was yet to come—the sacrifice, the miracle of the resurrection, the power and the glory of His heavenly kingdom.

Does Christ reign and rule in your life, dear friend? Do you know Him as both humble child and mighty King? When you offer Him your gifts this Christmas, bring them not to the manger, but lay them at the foot of His throne. Let the risen Christ take His place of honor in your heart and bring everlasting joy to your life at Christmas and all year.

What Christmas Is All About

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”     John 3:16

 
We have looked at all the “who’s” in the Christmas story.  Today we are looking at “whosoever”.  God loved us so much that He gave His Son that whosoever believes can be saved.  Are you like the innkeeper who had no room for the coming Savior?  Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.  Put him first in your life and don’t let people or things crowd Him out.  If you have been praying for something for a long time like Zacharias and Elisabeth, don’t quit praying and keep on believing that God can answer your prayers.  Say with Mary, “For with God nothing shall be impossible”, and be willing to let God use you for His purpose and do the impossible in your life.  Look for His coming like Simeon.  Sing His praises like the angels.  Tell others about Him like the shepherds.  Give Him your best like the wise men.  Prepare others to meet Him like John the Baptist.  Believe what the Lord says like Joseph.  We read in Acts 16:30 & 31, “…Sirs, what must I do to be saved?  And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.”  

Tuesday With Karen

Once For All (2)

Once for all, Jesus was sent down to earth,
By the way of a holy, miraculous birth;
He came here to live among mortal man,
As part of God’s perfect, wonderful plan!

Once for all, Jesus was our Sacrifice,
He paid for all our sin, the ultimate price;
He shed His own blood on Calvary’s cross,
That souls might be saved, not forever lost!

Once for all, Jesus arose from the grave,
After only three days, the stone rolled away;
He came forth the Victor over death & sin,
He invites by grace the lost, saying, Come in!

Once for all, Jesus will come for His Bride,
He’ll rapture us out as He splits the sky;
Oh, what a wonderful and amazing day,
When we’re Home & see His glorious face!