Friday Funnies

NURSERY SCHOOL

The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. ‘We live in a great country,’ she announced. ‘One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.’

Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, ‘I’m not free. I’m four.’ 

SLOW LEARNER

There was one little boy in the teacher’s class who really struggled to learn.

One day the teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence, and of course he didn’t know.

The teacher asked him every day for a week but still he couldn’t give the right answer.

Finally, in desperation, she called the boy’s father to come and see her. She said to him, “Your boy won’t tell me who signed the Declaration of Independence.”

The father said to his son, “Come here, boy, and sit down.”

The boy duly did as he was told and then his dad said to him, “Now if you signed that thing, just admit it so we can get out of here.”

KID’S CORNER

Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York harbor?

Because she can’t sit down.

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

At the bottom.

Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

Because freedom rings.

Bible Study

Are You Glad You Are Saved?

HAPPY TO BE SAVED? Colossians 1:12-14

At the moment of our salvation, a great number of different things happened and all of them good. Aren’t you glad that salvation is positive in every aspect? With so many things, like taking medicines, you have good things and bad things that happen at the same time. With meds, almost all of them have the possibility of bad side effects, with the PROBABILITY that you will have one of them happen to you!
Nothing bad happened when you gave your heart and life to Christ! Much of what happened is beyond our comprehension but I assure you that it was all perfectly good.
Paul listed several things here in these verses that happened to the Colossian believers and also happened to you and me.

  1. God made us “meet.” Ephesians 1:6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. (Sinners became saints; ungodly became godly; unrighteous became righteous; dead became alive; aliens became children. “Meet” means to qualify. Accepted (as sinful and undesirable as we are) into the beloved. We have been gloriously placed into the most wonderful family on earth.)
  2. God made us “partakers.” 2 Peter 1:3-4 According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: (4) Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. (We are partakers of the divine nature of Christ. Whereas we were natural men and women by nature of a sinful birth, we are now a spiritual people with spiritual desires through the new birth. Truly we are “new creatures.”)

Romans 8:16-17 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: (17) And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. (We are also partakers of a heavenly promise. This world is not our home though we live here. We are in the world but not of the world and one day, but the grace of God, we will step on shore and find it heaven, finally home. We who deserve nothing are heirs to all things. All of heaven, all of earth, all of the universe belongs to us. )

  1. God placed us in the “light.” 1 Peter 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:

a. The light of salvation – Genesis 1:3-4 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. (4) And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. (The light of God’s’ salvation divides us from the darkness of this present evil world.)

b. The light of knowledge of God – 2 Corinthians 4:5-6 For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus’ sake. (6) For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. (Understand just who Jesus Christ is. The world has a worldly perspective of Jesus Christ while you and I understand His lordship.)

c. The light of the knowledge of scripture – 1 Corinthians 2:13-14 Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. (14) But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. (The natural man does not understand spiritual truth because it is spiritually discerned. I have the Author living within me.)

  1. God delivered us from the power of darkness. John 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

John 8:36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

Romans 8:21 Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.

Romans 6:14 For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. (Free, praise the Lord, free at last! Sin no longer has dominion over us.)

  1. God forgave us of all our sins. Romans 4:6-8 Even as David also describeth the blessedness of the man, unto whom God imputeth righteousness without works, (7) Saying, Blessed are they whose iniquities are forgiven, and whose sins are covered. (8) Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not impute sin. (You ask me why I’m happy so I’ll just tell you why: because my sins are gone!)

Conclusion: We who walked in the darkness of sin and unbelief now walk in the light of holiness and faith. Our past is forgiven and our future is secure and heaven is our home. I would not trade this hope for anything!

Wade’s Wednesday

Our Needs

By Dr. Charles Stanley

Jim saved for a long time to take an Alaskan cruise. At last he was on board with two carefully packed suitcases. The first evening, when he heard “Dinner is served” announced over the loudspeaker, he took peanut butter crackers from his suitcase and sat at the table in his small cabin.

Every day at mealtime, he repeated the ritual. It wasn’t that Jim didn’t like the ship’s tasty banquets. He simply didn’t know that his meals were included in the price of the ticket. For two weeks he enjoyed beautiful scenery off the decks but ate dry, stale food in his cabin.

This sad story is a metaphor for the way some believers follow Jesus. God has promised to meet His children’s every need—His boundless riches are included in the price Christ paid for their salvation (Eph. 1:18). Yet many folks are instead trying to live out of their own resources. They don’t realize that the wealth of their Father’s love, power, and provision is on their “menu.”

A believer’s relationship with the Lord is one of complete unity. Jesus is our life. His Spirit lives through us. Therefore, we have remarkable resources available to us, as do our brothers and sisters in Christ—we have access to His power, strength, and endurance.

Jim didn’t know he had the right to satisfy his hunger in an extravagant way. Learn from this exaggerated example. Discover in God’s Word the riches you are entitled to through faith. God offers believers everything required for living well and wisely, so trust Him for all your needs.

Tuesday With Karen

Rivers Of Tears

When rivers of tears won’t come to an end,
Cry out to God, He is your Faithful Friend;
He knows your heart, as things are going wrong,
He has all the answers, helping you be strong!

When rivers of tears continue to flow,
God’s loving grace will be yours to know;
He is your Shelter, a place to abide,
You’ll never be sorry God is in your life!

When rivers of tears put you in despair,
Tell it to God, whose love is always there;
You may face trials like never before,
There’s perfect peace if you serve the Lord!

The rivers of tears, God’s comfort will dry,
He nourishes you from His throne on High;
He walks beside you each step of the Way,
Loving and guiding you, day after day!

Lean On Him

Lean Upon Him

Lean upon Him fully with your heart,
Ask for direction in each new day’s start;
He’ll give you strength with every task,
He supplies your needs if you only ask!

Lean upon Him for everything you face,
He is with you, giving sufficient grace;
He never leaves you deserted or alone,
But walks with you in all that goes on!

Lean upon Him if you get weary & weak,
Calling on His name will give a sweet peace;
He keeps you under the shelter of His wings,
Trusting Him fully makes you want to sing!

Lean upon Him with your ultimate faith,
He will guide your steps as He lights the Way,
He still calms the storms as He says “Peace,”
His shoulder is there if you need to lean!

KI

God Shows Up

If God shows up, His presence, you’ll feel,
His Spirit, in us, is so loving and real;
He guides His children in the Way to go,
His movement within is precious to know!

If God show up, He will do mighty things,
His loving care makes a weary heart sing;
As God’s anointing presence comes down,
His wonderful blessings to us abound!

If God shows up, His Spirit truly speaks,
His love has the answer to all we seek;
The Bible tells us to “Ask & Receive”,
He’s the Rock we stand on to believe!

If God shows up, He’ll bless the atmosphere,
Even in the air, it’s obvious He’s near;
Abundant blessings come if He’s in a place,
What a glorious thing, just knowing His grace!

KI

Be Of Good Courage

Be of good courage, God is by your side,
He leads your steps upon this earthly life;
He sees if your heart has troubles & trials,
Then pours out His grace in His loving style!

Be of good courage, give God all your cares,
He’s waiting to hear you cry out in prayer;
He listens to every word you will say,
Even with no words, He knows what you pray!

Be of good courage, God is in control,
All things, in His mighty hands, He holds;
Even the things we don’t understand,
Are safe & secure in the palm of His hand!

Be of good courage, give God all your heart,
You’re never alone, for He won’t depart;
If being in His fold has been your choice,
It’ll give you a song & make you rejoice!

KI

Friday Funnies

Golf Buddy

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured that if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.

To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age, I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, the young man swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally laid.

The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.”

 

JOB INTERVIEW

Interviewer: “So, tell me about yourself.”

Me: “I’d rather not. I kinda want this job.”

Bible Study

WHEN YOU FEEL ALL ALONE Colossians 1:1-12

In the Book of Colossians, Paul is writing to a church that he has never been to and to a people whom he has never met. The communications were a little hampered in those days because the cell phone and texting were not yet invented so it was easy to feel a little sequestered from the rest of the world.
In hard times and in hard places where little results are evident, if not careful we begin to think that we are alone and all of our labor is in vain. The world is going down like “a one egg pudding” and churches along with the people we once served with are deteriorating and defecting.
Epaphras visited Paul in the Roman prison and brought encouraging words. Not only was Paul hearing from churches such as the one at Philippi but also from churches that he did not plant and possibly did not know they existed.
Paul, in these verses, thanks God for them and tries to encourage them in the Lord. This sermon will go out to hundreds of people with many of these people members of good churches that are trying to “hold the line” in these last, evil days. I want this to be an encouragement to them as well as to our people.

  1. The description of the Colossian people.
    a. Saints – vs 2- I thank God that there are those who are saved and show it: people who know that they know that they are saved. We have “family” all around the world who go through the same things that we go through and many suffer far beyond our comprehension. Ephesians 4:12 “For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:”
    b. Faithful – vs 2- In a day of unfaithfulness, I thank God that there are those who just keep on keeping on when it comes to faithfulness: people who love not only God but God’s house and support it. Without you, the doors of the church would have to close. Hebrews 11:6 “But without faith it is impossible to please him:”
    c. Brethren – vs 2- In days of division where we who are saved are naturally divided from even family members who are not saved, we find division within the “faith.” We may be separated “upon the walls” as they were in the days of Nehemiah but these brothers and sisters are alive and doing well. I can go to other churches out of town and feel right at home with the family of God.
    d. Faith –vs 4- In days of mixed faith, as people now place more trust in the government system than in the Lord, faith is still placed in the Lord. He will take care of us. There are churches that are holding to the King James Bible; adhering to the Old Paths of doctrine and practice; and are fighting against the worldliness that is creeping into the local churches.
    e. Love – vs 4- In days of “self-love” or “selfishness,” I thank God that I can not only come to church and find my friends and family who love, but also fellowship with other pastors and brethren in our community. One of the ways you know that you are saved is because of the love of God that is in you for the things of God as well as the people of God.
    f. Fruitful –vs 6- In days of gleaning here in the Bible Belt, I thank God that there are churches and missionaries in other place where the harvest is still fruitful and that fruit is “fruit to our account.” Some mission fields are difficult and render few souls while others are fruitful ones with many coming to Christ but ALL of the harvest is equally important. John 15:5 “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.”
  2. The blessing of the Colossian people.
    a. Paul received encouragement by them – vs. 2
    b. Paul was thankful for them – vs. 3
    c. Paul was given an example from them – vs. 4-6
    Paul was excited about a church that he had never visited and a people that he had never met! We live in days of jealousy and isolation. Churches of like faith are not our enemies! People of like faith are our brothers and sisters in Christ. The last time I heard, we were all on the same side and fighting a common enemy. Now, for the sake of clarification, I do not mix and mingle with liberal or apostate churches! If a church is liberal or apostate, I do not associate with them. Separatism is an important part of the work of Christ. The division caused by liberalism and apostasy is one of their making, not mine.
    Paul not only commends the church at Colosse, but also offers up prayers for it. I want to look at his manner of praying for those that he does not know that are “staying by the stuff” in light of often dire circumstances. Romans 12:5 “ So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.”
  3. The Characteristics of Paul’s Prayer
    a. It was a prayer of thanksgiving. Vs. 3. For a local church of like precious faith located in another part of God’s vineyard. Luke 10:2 “Therefore said he unto them, The harvest truly is great, but the labourers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest.”
    (1) The harvest is great – Acts 1:8 But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth. (We cannot go to every part of the field because of both numbers needed and logistics.)
    (2) The labourers are few – 1 Corinthians 3:6-9 I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. 7 So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. 8 Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour. 9 For we are labourers together with God: ye are God’s husbandry, ye are God’s building. (We are few in number and the harvest is scattered around this world. It takes the effort of all to reach all!)
    b. It was a prayer of constancy. Verse 3. Our daily prayers should involve the praying for others: those in bonds as well as those who labor in other countries, in other states, in our county.
  4. The Content of Paul’s Prayer
    a. That they would be filled with the knowledge of His will. Verse 9. Proverbs 4:7 “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.”
    (1) In all wisdom – One of the great dangers to true Christianity is that Christianity is merely a system of truth to be believed. Christianity is much more than faith in a dogma; it is that faith in action that makes us like Christ. We may think right doctrinally and not be conformed to the person and work of Christ. Christianity is faith in action.
    (2) In spiritual understanding – “and with all thy getting get understanding” We can have action and conformity simply by following someone else but these actions alone become a source of problem. I have seen so many “conform” while in a certain church but, when they decide to leave, lose all “conviction” which makes that “conviction” simply a preference. Each of us need to know what the will of God is and make that a priority in our lives.
    b. That they might walk worthy. Verse 10.
    (1) A life that is pleasing to the Lord. This comes from a realization of what Christ has done for us coupled with the knowledge that we are not our own, we belong to Him. Not pleasing to the church or pastor necessarily but pleasing unto the one who bought us.
    (2) A life that is profitable to the Lord. Spiritual growth is essential to fruit bearing. Babies have to be fed and cleaned but adults can care for themselves as well as others. John 15 give the progression of one “abiding” in the Vine: fruit, more fruit, and much fruit.
    c. Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power. Verse 11.
    (1) This brings about patience. I heard an elder pastor just the other day say that he quit praying for patience years ago when he found out that patience was a result of tribulation. We all NEED patience! Patience is essential to stability in suffering.
    (2) This brings about longsuffering with joyfulness. God’s power allows us to be longsuffering with others. Not only longsuffering but doing so with joy, not necessity. Being as gentle with others as the Lord is with us. 1 Peter 4:12 ”Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.”

Wade’s Wednesday

by Charles Stanley

Revelation 2:12-17

We all admire men and women of principle who are ready to pay a heavy price for what they believe. At the same time, we do well not to trust everyone who displays conviction. As we see all too often in the news, it is possible to have unsound beliefs that are not based on Scripture.

Even as Christians, we have to be careful, or we could easily mistake personal preferences for convictions. We cannot afford to build our life’s foundation with any materials that are not totally scriptural. The apostle Paul told us that the quality of each man’s work will be tested by fire (1 Cor. 3:13), and that includes what we believe.

Such a test came to a church in a little town called Pergamum in Asia Minor. It was a foul place—Jesus even said that Satan’s throne was there. Evil men were disseminating the teachings of Balaam and the Nicolaitans throughout the local church. A man named Antipas, however, felt strongly that this teaching was wrong and should be confronted. So he stepped forward to oppose it, at the cost of his life.

Yes, Antipas was killed, but listen to the tribute the Lord Himself gave: He referred to this saint as “My witness, My faithful one.” And He commended the church in Pergamum with these words: “You hold fast My name, and did not deny My faith even in the days of Antipas” (Rev. 2:13).

Thank God that the trial of our faith, even though tested by fire, will “result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:7).