BEST FRIENDS
Best of friends, Rabbi Schwartz and Father O’Malley were at a diner enjoying lunch. Father O’Malley put down his ham and cheese sandwich and commented, “This sandwich is so good! Kosher dietary restrictions made sense in ancient times, but when are you going to join the modern age and eat delicious, wholesome food like this? Without missing a beat, Rabbi Schwartz replied, “At your wedding.”
HERE IS YOUR SIGN
The A priest and a pastor stood near a sharp curve on a busy road holding signs. “The end is near!” read the priest’s sign, while the pastor’s warned, “Turn around before it’s too late!” As he passed by, a man in a sports car yelled “Idiots!” and shook his head. Then he blasted his horn, raised one finger and stomped on the gas. Moments later the clerics heard the sound of screeching tires, followed by a big splash. The priest turned to the pastor and said, “Maybe we should change our signs to ‘Bridge Out’.”
AT THE PEARLY GATE
A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.
“Well,” the man said, “once I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked over his bike, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. ‘Now leave her alone!’ I yelled.”” St. Peter was impressed: “When did this happen?” “Just a couple of minutes ago.”