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What Are the Four Types of Love?
1 John 4: 7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
God planted within each one of us the need to love and be loved. It is one of the ways He made us in His image. Through a relationship with our Heavenly Father, we experience His deep and abiding love. And He designed us to both receive that wondrous affection and share it with those in our lives.
Scripture provides many examples of how we can express devotion to each other. One Christian writer found four words in particular, from ancient Greek, that capture the essence of several types of love we are capable of showing. They vary in degree of intimacy and intensity, but all are meant to encourage and edify.
What Are the Four Loves?
The phrase The Four Loves came from the title of a 1960 book penned by C.S. Lewis. Based on a set of radio talks he’d done two years earlier, the book presents and then explores the notion that humans are able to feel different kinds of love, depending on the situations and relationships involved.
He used translations from ancient Greek, because he knew that language had a large range of words to define what love can mean. The four he chose were: Storge, Phileo, Eros, Agape
All of them can, and often do, intertwine. They can be seen by others at their deepest and most meaningful level when they grow out of a love for God first.
- Storge STOR GEE Love “Familial Affection” “you will notice we say brother and sister around here”
Storge love is the care that exists between family members, friends, or companions. Longer-lasting, it goes beyond an initial infatuation or attraction. Built on a familiarity between people, the emphasis of storge is on devotion and intimacy that develops over time.
Real-life examples include parents toward children, siblings, spouses, and sometimes very close friendships. One of the 10 commandments shows what storge love can look like: Exodus 20:12 12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
The Apostle Paul reminded spouses of God’s order to seek and show it as well. Ephesians 5:25 2 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;….31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
- Noah and his family (Genesis 6-9) Ruth and Naomi
- The siblings Mary, Martha and Lazarus of Bethany (Luke 10; John 11)
- Phileo Love “Friendship”
Phileo most often describes a relationship between people, one of generous warmth for another. But in a broader sense, it can also apply to churches and even cities. The basis of this common bond is shared beliefs, values or interests. An image that comes to mind as an example of this is good friends who look out for each other. But many churches and towns have what they call “sister” congregations or cities.
Romans 12:9 9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. 10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; 1
Hebrews 13:1 Let brotherly love continue. 2 Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.“
- David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18)
- Paul and Timothy (Acts 16:1-3; Acts 17:14-15)
3.Eros Love “Passion”
Eros love is a the kind of affection is meant to describe a healthy, sensual love between husbands and wives. Romance and physical attraction play a part in it. God gave us this kind of desire with the clear instruction to express it only within the bonds of marriage.
“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine…” (Song of Solomon 6:3).
Scripture clearly tells us that He cares about what we do with our bodies. Believers are cautioned to avoid showing Eros love to anyone but our spouse, so that the choices we make honor God.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
2 Timothy 2:22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23 But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.
Eros
- The King and his bride (Song of Solomon) Husband and wife
- Agape Love “Charity”
Agape love is probably the most talked about of the four kinds of love. It is the highest, most complete form of affection. God’s love for us is the foundation of this love. And Jesus gave us many lessons about and examples of agape – a strong, selfless and sacrificial love – during His earthly ministry.
The early church actually used the term to describe two separate activities they practiced. One was a sacred rite with bread and wine, similar to the Eucharist today. The other was a regular fellowship meal they held, to which the local poor were invited.
Jesus reminded His disciples over and over again that we are called to show this agape to God and to other people, whether they are friends or enemies.
“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:37-39).
“‘You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven’” (Matthew 5:43-46).
Agape
- Between God and us (John 3:16; Romans 8:38-39)
- Between us and the Lord (John 13:34-35)
- Between us and others (1 John 3:16)
There is a maturing process we will ideally go through. First, we make the choice to show love, especially storge STRO GEE and phileo, to others. As we do, our hearts will align more closely with God’s.
As we become more giving in our spirits over time, more of the selfless agape love will naturally pour out of us. And that will lead to blessings for others, and for us. It is a wonderful cycle that can change the world for the better.
Proverbs 3:3 Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:?4 so shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.
1 Peter 4:8 “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.”
It is impossible to hate someone if you allow God to love them through you.